From small-town America to a much wider world

I was born in Oklahoma in the United States. I grew up in a rural town with very few people from other countries, but looking back, I think I was always drawn to cultures different from my own—even before I graduated from college and decided to move to Japan.

One turning point came in college, when I met a lot of international students from South Korea. The more I heard their stories, the more curious I became about the country, so I decided to spend three months studying there over summer break. It was a short stay, but it was my first time abroad, and the experience completely opened my eyes.

Another time, a backpacker friend invited me on a roughly ten-day trip through Europe. We ended up arguing over something small, and, embarrassingly, I found myself sitting alone in a park in Rome, crying. Then three Italian men I had never met came over and asked, “Why are you crying?” and “You can’t sit in a park crying all by yourself!” Five minutes later, they came back carrying a bouquet of flowers and suddenly started singing the famous song “That’s Amore.” It was so unexpected that I couldn’t help laughing. I immediately felt lighter, and my friend and I made up soon afterward. Walking through Italy, you could hear loud conversations and laughter pouring out of open windows. It felt exactly like the warm, lively Italy I had imagined.

South Korea and Italy were both completely different from the United States. For someone who had never really experienced life abroad, everything felt surprising. I was amazed by just how big the world was.

Encountering Japanese culture taught me to be more considerate of others

My experiences in Japan, in particular, changed me in a major way. My connection with Japan began in high school, when I got hooked on Japanese anime. In college, I took Japanese classes and discovered how much I enjoyed the language. After studying in South Korea, I spent a year studying abroad in Kyoto as well. I became even more drawn to Japanese culture there, and that experience ultimately led me to move to Japan.

In the U.S., for better or worse, people often put the individual first and express their opinions very strongly, which can lead to conflict. In Japan, on the other hand, there’s more emphasis on following rules, finding common ground, and showing consideration for the people around you. After college, I lived in Osaka while attending language school, and to me the city felt almost like a cultural midpoint between the U.S. and Japan. It may be the place where I feel most at home.

How Japanese culture changed the way I relate to people

Recently, I went back to the U.S. for a relative’s birthday, and people kept asking me, “Why are you bowing so much?” I also realized, because others pointed it out, how often I was saying “please” to service staff—“Water, please,” or “I’ll have this, please.” In the U.S., expressions like “I want…” or “Can I have…?” are more common, with the sentence centered on “I.” Without realizing it, I had absorbed some of the habits of Japanese culture. Now, if I don’t phrase a request politely, it just doesn’t feel right to me.

These days, I also try to speak more considerately. I’ll listen to everyone’s thoughts first and then say, “This is what I think—what do you think?” I feel that showing respect for other people’s opinions has made my relationships with others much smoother.